eDrinker

“Happiness in intelligent people is the rarest thing I know.”

Church Flood Lights

| Filed under Emails

Just when it got quiet:

Dear Geoff,

I think a small door for future maintenance would be sensible idea; however please give me a few days to confirm any changes meet the correct building regulations.

On the subject of flood lighting, it had occurred to me less and less of the younger generation are attending Sunday mass.

My Grandson gave me the idea after watching Batman, his number one super hero. When Batman’s assistance is required, the city shines a large flood light in the symbol of a bat. Although it sounds far fetched, both Jesus and Batman had a lot in common, both wore a cape, fight crime at night and both have been depicted in modern literature. Is this something we could do but instead of a bat (of course) I was thinking the silhouette of a large crucifix?

Look forward to hearing your comments.

O.Cross

On 16 February 2010 11:09, Geoff Gallifant <geoff.XXXXX@XXXXX> wrote:
> Good morning Oliver,
> Thanks for your e-mail regarding a
> camera in the female bathroom.
>
> I have also been thinking about the church flood lighting and the
> ongoing maintainance. Is there any possibility that a small door can
> be inserted in the grills on the tower that the lights can be mounted
> on? This would be great for replacing the lamps when required if
> the doors can be opened inwards to allow access to the lights. Let me
> know if this is possible as it would cut down on installation and future maintanance costs.
>
> Will be in touch regarding bathroom.
>
> Regards
>
> Geoff Gallifant
>
> —– Original Message —– From: “Oliver Jon Cross”
> <OliverDotCross@GmailDotCom>
> To: “Geoff Gallifant” <geoff.XXXXX@XXXXX>
> Sent: Monday, February 15, 2010 4:57 PM
> Subject: Re: Church outside lighting
>
>
> Dear Geoff,
>
> I have always been a firm believer “of the eye is watching us all”,
> however sometimes God needs a little help.
>
> After several complaints of theft in the female bathrooms, we require
> high definition surveillance equipment. I will also require direct and
> personal access to rule out any internal tampering. Although this
> isn’t my expertise I suggest the best placement for the camera would
> be directly above the air filter in second cubicle.
>
> Please send me the quote as soon you have any spare time.
>
> Kind Regards,
>
> O.Cross
>
> On 15 February 2010 17:14, Geoff Gallifant <geoff.XXXXX@XXXXX> wrote:
>>
>> Hi Oliver,
>> Sorry to keep you waiting regarding the quote for the church. I am
>> looking at numerous options including, sensors which can warn you in
>> the vicarage about intrudes on the roof and we have a product which
>> not only is a sensor but has a built in cctv camera.
>>
>> My only concern is mounting the lights on the tower and replacing
>> lamps when they fail. I will be in touch as soon as I have all the
>> information to put a quote together.
>>
>> Regards
>>
>>
>> Geoff Gallifant

To Good To Be True

| Filed under Emails

I know I said I wouldn’t be posting anymore but to be honest I can’t help myself. This one was to good to be true. I just kept it short a sweet. Saying that I could have done a lot worse. Classic Alan.

———- Forwarded message ———-
From: Oliver Jon Cross <OliverDotCross@GmailDotCom>
Date: 2009/10/26
Subject: Re: Schedule a Meeting?
To: Bell xxxxx <bxxxxxxxxx.txxxxxxxxxx@gmail.com>

Hello Belle,

I am free from Wednesday, please let me know the time and the place that’s best for you. Remember Belle, “God made Adam and Eve not Adam and Steve”.

Peace out,

Oliver

2009/10/23 Belle Thomson <bxxxxx.xxxxxxxxxxxxxx@gmail.com>:
> Dear Father,
> I know we spoke about this at length last Friday, and I did take the
> first step you suggested and ordered that book. To be honest, it
> arrived yesterday, but I haven’t had the courage to open it yet. You
> see, the prospect of change is scary to me; even if it would be an
> obvious change for the better. This has always been an issue for me,
> and I could never figure out why.
> Last night I wrote out a detailed list of all the negative
> consequences of my actions and I went into great detail as you
> suggested. Of course, I also wrote out a detailed list of the ways in
> which my life will change for the better once I’m able to curb my
> sexual appetite. I’m even more convinced now that I need to change,
> but it’s this first step that’s killing me. It’s almost like despite
> the negative consequences I’ve suffered to date, I’m afraid to lose
> this part of me. I guess it’s the same with any addiction. I just wish mine was a more common one, like smoking.
> Well, I apologize for rambling, but as you’re aware you’re the only
> one that knows of my “challenge” and the struggle to overcome it. If
> possible I would very much like to schedule a time to meet with you at
> your earliest convenience.
> Best Regards,
> Bxxxxxxxxx

Game Over

| Filed under Emails

I’m going to start forwarding them from now on.

Game Over

—–Original Message—–
From: Oliver Jon Cross [mailto:OliverDotCross@GmailDotCom]
Sent: 30 October 2008 17:49
To: David xxxxxx
Cc: Oliver.XXXX@gmail.com
Subject: Re: Re:

Sounds like a deal. From this day forth I shall forward all emails to Mr Coss, but you better keep your word.

Oliver

On 30/10/2008, David De VXXXX <XXXXXXX@XXX.XXX> wrote:
>
> Oliver, I’ll see what I can arrange with HER upstairs! Promise!
>
> David
> ——– Original-Nachricht ——–
> > Datum: Thu, 30 Oct 2008 15:10:24 +0100
> > Von: “Oliver Jon Cross” <OliverDotCross@GmailDotCom>
> > An: “David De VXXXX” <XXXXXXX@XXX.XXX>
> > Betreff: Re: Re:
>
> > Hi David,
> >
> > I’ll tell you what; I’ll stop emailing people back and forward the
> > emails on to Oliver.Coss@gmail.com. If you throw me a few blessings
> > and guarantee me a spot in heaven.
> >
> > Thanks,
> >
> > Oliver
> >
> > On 30/10/2008, David De VXXX <XXXXXXX@XXX.XXX> wrote:
> > > Hi, the problem is that we have a priest here who is Oliver COSS
> > > and people like myself mix up the e-mail. Sorry!!! He is thinking about
> > changing his e-address if that is any consolation.
> > >
> > > Regards,
> > >
> > > David de VXXXX

> > > ——– Original-Nachricht ——–
> > > > Datum: Thu, 30 Oct 2008 14:21:33 +0100
> > > > Von: “Oliver Jon Cross” <OliverDotCross@GmailDotCom>
> > > > An: “David De VXXX” <XXXXXXX@XXX.XXX>
> > > > Betreff: Re:
> > >
> > > > Hi,
> > > >
> > > > No problem David, just tell your people to stop emailing me. I’m
> > > > getting on average 4 a month.
> > > >
> > > > Thanks,
> > > >
> > > > Oliver Cross

They Still Keep Sending

| Filed under Emails

—–Original Message—–
From: Oliver Jon Cross [mailto:OliverDotCross@GmailDotCom]
Sent: 30 October 2008 12:33
To: David De VXXXX
Cc: david@XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX.org.uk; irispXXXXX@XXXX.co.uk; cowanjoXXX@yahoo.com; JohnXXXXXXj@XXX.com; gjeXXXX@gXXXXXX.kXXXX.co.uk; gwn@XXXXXXXXXXX-solXXXXXXX.co.uk
Subject: Re: TAIZE PRAYER

Hello,

I think it’s about time I was straight with you all. I’ve been going to these events for a good ten years now and I got to say I’m disappointed. Why am I disappointed? I’ll tell you, some little bugger in this group keeps taking a shit in the confession booths and who has to clean it up. Guess who, me!

Oliver

P.S I need help to pay the money back to the donations box that I spent on smack and hoes last Friday night.

On 25/10/2008, David De Verny <XXXXXXXXX@XXX.net> wrote:
> Dear Colleagues, the University Chaplaincy has been approached about hosting the ecumenical TAIZE PRAYER evenings on every first Tuesday in the month. We are very happy to invite you all very warmly to these evenings.
> The next one will be TUESDAY NOVEMBER 4th at 7.30. The International Chapel is located in the basement of Middleton Hall, just off Cottingham Road.
> Would you kindly inform the leaders of your parish Taize group of this arrangement. Thank you.
> Yours sincerely
> in Christ,
> David de VXXX (Chaplain)

Got a Live One – Parish Email Pt 2

| Filed under Emails

Got a reply

—–Original Message—–
Subject: Re: parish e-mail

Hi David,

I’ve been shooting coke all morning. That reminds me, remember last year when we travelled to Rome and I dared you a monkey to take a dump in the pope’s mitre. They were the days.

Oliver

P.S. This religious stuff is right laugh isn’t it, I wonder how long we can take it for. I mean we’ve had a good run, a few thousand years or so.

On 29/10/2008, David De VXXXX <XXXXXXX@XXX.XXX> wrote:
>
> what have you been on? I want some!
>
> David

Parish Email

| Filed under Emails

They just keep coming:

Dear David,

As a brother thou not need require any physical aid to recite the great book:

Genesis 25:30 (Holman Christian Standard Bible)
He said to Jacob, “Let me eat some of that red stuff, because I’m exhausted.”

Darth Vader: Death Star Conference Room ( Star Wars 1977)
“I find your lack of faith disturbing”

Also I can’t meet up for a drink this week as I have a squash match on Wednesday with Al Sharpton.

Regards,

Oliver

On 25/10/2008, David De VXXXX <XXXXXXXX@XXX.XXX> wrote:

> Dear Oliver, I don’t have the new dio handbook… in the old one there is no e-mail for Paul or your parish! Does he have one?

> Thank you for your help.

> Best wishes and kind regards, David

> PS. Why don’t you give me a ring (XXXXX-XXXXXX) and pop in for a coffee/tea???

Living Stones Curates Retreat

| Filed under Emails

Hello,

I know I said I wasn’t going to be posting anymore, just couldn’t help post my latest email from the Church.

“Hello Sue,

Thank you for the update and I was delighted to hear I would be working with Anne and Cathie however I’m afraid I have conflicting Bukkake conference up in Exeter. I know its last minute but I’ve been looking forward to this for some months now.

Stay in contact and let’s catch up soon, wish me luck.

Oliver

On 25/09/2008, XXXXXs22 <sue@huXXXX.XXXX.XXX.XXXX> wrote:
>
> Dear Oliver,
> Thank you for agreeing to be part of the team and assisting in the
> production of 09 ‘ Living Stones’
> The other team members are; Anne Dawson, and Cathie Lawrie.
> Sorry the gender balance is a bit lop-sided but I’m sure you will cope.
> The theme is, Prayer Centred Ministry, venue, most likely Sneaton
> Castle, retreat leader has yet to be confirmed.
> Will keep you informed re; meetings and arrangements.
> Blessings,
> Sue XXXXXX”