eDrinker

Someone got the wrong email address again, however this time they left all the emails of the colleagues in as well. I got two out of office replies and someone saying count me in, poor Jack.

Hi Jack,

Sorry I won’t be attending, I need not remind you of our last outing when you were so intoxicated you used one of the office bins to defecate in. Quite frankly I and the others found it just too disturbing and although you think we forgot we simply haven’t been able to.

However please pass on my regards to Webb and wish him all the best.

Oliver

On 23/05/2008, XXX, Jack J <jack.XXX@XXX.com> wrote:
>
> Guys,
>
> Here’s some information about Webb’s upcoming bachelor party:
>
> When: weekend of June XXXst (arrive Thurs night/ Fri morning; depart
> Sunday
> morning)
>
> Where: XXX, SC
>
> Who: see current roster below
>
> 1 - Webb
> 2 - Jack
> 3 - Hanks
> 4 - Tony
> 5 - North
> 6 - Watson
> 7 - Win
> 8 - Davis
> 9 - Heimburger
> 10 - Stroker
> 11 - Crazy
> 12 - Brooke
> 13 - Oliver
> 14 - Will J.
> 15 - Will S.
> 16 - Trae
> 17 - Shay
>
> Lodging Cost: ~$300
>
> I am planning to book a house for us to stay in the first part of next week.
>  As such, I’d appreciate it if you could confirm that you are a
> definite for the weekend by Tuesday, May XXXth.
>
> More details about the weekend to follow once we confirm lodging.
>
> Thanks,
> Jack
>
> Jack XXX
> XXX Investors
> XXX Tryon St., 25th Floor
> XXX, NC 28255
> XXX (tel)
> XXX (fax)
>

–

Oliver Jon Cross
http://eDrinker.com

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As you might know I often get mistaken with another person called Oliver Coss who’s a priest and on that note I keep getting his mail. I’ve politely told them they have the wrong person but they keep emailing. So now I just reply, here are two I just got recently.

———- Forwarded message ———-
From: Oliver Jon Cross <oliver.cross@gmail.com>
Date: 2008/5/13
Subject: Re: Web Order OC64DS-1000-4415
To: XXX <XXX@fadumont.co.uk>
Hello Claire,

Thank you for the update; can you let me know if you have any satanic sensual lubrication oil in stock?

Thanks,

Oliver

2008/5/12 Claire McCabe <XXX@fadumont.co.uk>:

>
> Dear Fr Oliver Coss,
>
> Thank you for your web order OC64DS-1000-4415.
>
> The oil stock you have ordered is not in stock, delivery will take
> approximately 3 weeks for delivery, would you like me to send on what
> I can to you now ?
>
> The total cost of your order is £152. 67 including postage and packing.
>
> Please advise.
>
> Kind regards
>
> Claire
> -
> letterhead by A7Designs

———- Forwarded message ———-
From: Oliver Jon Cross <oliver.cross@gmail.com>
Date: 2008/5/13
Subject: Re: Trinity Sunday
To: Rev Adam Gaunt MA <XXX@btinternet.com>
Hello Reverend Adam,

Thank you so much for your blessings and I know everything will run to plan. At exactly 10:30 morning mass I shall sacrifice 25 goats in your name followed by cheese and crackers.

See you there,

Oliver
2008/5/12 Rev Adam Gaunt MA <XXX@btinternet.com>:

>
> Dear Father
>
> Just a short e mail to reassure you of my prayers and best wishes for
> your Ordination and First Mass.
>
> I am sorry not to be with you in person, but I will certainly remember
> you at Mass.
>
> My Ordination and First Mass were very moving occasions, as one
> chapter in life comes to a close and a whole new one opens out before
> you. I am certain your events will be equally as moving and memorable.
>
> It is also good for the people of St Mary’s to host the Ordination and
> First Mass, don’t underestimate what a power effect such services can
> have on the congregation and indeed on family and friends.
>
> Best of luck, and all that,
>
> with bles+sings,
>
> ADAM.

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I got another direct email today about Christian Life Coaching, to be fair I couldn’t be bothered to do a lengthily reply so I kept it short and to the point.

_______________________________________________________

Dear Dave,

Thank you for your email, take your brain washing and shove it up your arse.

Oliver

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Today I got another email from the parish again, only this time inviting me to attend the sixth annual Lecture and Study Day. Also known as “Mary: Grace and Hope in Christ”. Anyway you know the routine.

Dear Reverend Membery,

I would be delighted to attend the sixth annual Lecture and Study Day.
However I was wondering if you can send me some transport, maybe the company limousine? Also a couple of bitches so I can hang out with my wang out.

P.S. Do you mind if my friend John the Rabbi comes along, he’s looking forward to it just as much as me. Attached is a copy of me and John at last year’s conference.

http://www.planetc1.com/n/images/chiropractors_halloween_braile_harmen.jpg

Yours faithfully,

Oliver Cross

On 27/09/2007, Bishop of Beverley’s Office <xxx@3-north-lane.fsnet.co.uk> wrote:
> … attached. Let me know if you can’t open.
>
> Lynn C-H

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Today I received another email regarding the chuch from a Banks Music Publications, obviously mistaking me with father Coss instead of Oliver Cross. I know there is only one letter difference but for Christ sake this has got to be the 20th email I’ve received. As you might know from reading my blog before I’ve had to take things in to my own hands just to stop this spam.

This time the email wasn’t so obvious but I did a little research and I managed to find what happened. In the original email the requester is searching for the organ sheet music Langlais “Triptyque Gregorien”. I then looked up the company Banks Music Publications, which is a choral sheet music specialist. Anyway you can read the rest for yourself.

———- Orginal message ———-
From: Oliver Jon Cross <oliver.cross@gmail.com>
Date: 21 Sep 2007 13:39
Subject: Re: Langlais “Triptyque Gregorien”
To: Banks Music Publications <XXX@tiscali.co.uk>

Dear Mr Warnes,

Thank you for your reply; unfortunately here at the church we’ve had a change in taste. Can you please let me know if you have the sheet music for Prodigy “Smack My Bitch Up”.

Yours sincerely,

Oliver

On 21/09/2007, Banks Music XXX @tiscali.co.uk> wrote:
> Dear Oliver Cross,
>
> Thank you for your e-mail concerning the above title.
>
> This is available, price £14.50 plus postage and packing.
>
> I will be ordering today, if you wish me to add this to the order
> please let me know.
>
> Yours sincerely,
>
> XXX Warnes
> Banks Music Publications

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Hi,

As some of you might know I constantly receive emails from the Church mistaking me with a clergy man with a similar email. In the past I’ve asked them to stop spamming me but they were disgusted with my language, this time I decided to take a different approach.

—–Original Message—–
From: Oliver Jon Cross [mailto:oliver.cross@gmail.com]
Sent: 07 September 2007 10:29
To: XXX@aol.com
Subject: Re: Meeting early Friday afternoon

Dear Ann,

I reluctantly inform you that I’m being strongly drawn to Mecca and my future in the Church of England is in question.

Please keep this information confidential and we can talk at a later date.

I pray with the aid of Allah I will overcome this.

Yours sincerely,

Father Oliver

On 06/09/07, XXX@aol.com wrote:
> Father Oliver
>
> Regarding our meeting - sorry I have since been asked to attend a
> meeting in County Hall at 1pm on Friday so will be unable to meet you.
>
> Could you call in either Friday morning at 10.30 for a coffee or
> Monday at the same time?
>
> Kind regards Ann
>
> Hallgate Infant School

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For the last two weeks the English church keeps sending me mails, they just don’t get it.

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